HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE, to those who are reading this anyway. Like always everyone would start with a New Year Resolution. Mine............get good exams results, meaning lots of revision........and hopefully say bye bye to singledom, only because my two best friends are sorted - kind of - and so is my brother. The honest truth is that might not happen this year either since I am a little retarded, in the classic sense.
My dad has finally gone away. I am relieved. It may sound terrible but last night I was really upset, NOT because my dad was going today, but because my mum was all alone in hk cleaning the apartment as she was bored and I really missed Ayman. I couldn't stop thinking about him last night. I have never felt so lonely than over the past two weeks. I kept going through the list of guys who I might ask out even though that will never happen as I know the wrong choice will probably mess up my already struggling mind trying to focus on work.
Anyway it should be best if I just keep my New Year "events" coming as they like. Whatever I plan never comes out as I want it anyway.
2007/01/01
2006/12/30
Awaiting New Year
I went out yesterday with a friend of mine in the day and then went to a reunion at night. The reunion was alright considering that I didn't like to get drunk or get laid so I don't actually have much of a conversational topic in common with them. Well the guy that I used to take the bus to and from sixth form was there. He had his hair cut and It's been nearly a year since I had last seem him so I didn't recognise him at all until a while later. It took me even longer to remember his name. He was in my lower year and I practically never really used it. I felt really bad on that but then again I am not really that close to him. I was closer to another guy which I did really bad in not to upset. All in all I felt rather out of place, but everyone talked to me eventually, when they were no longer occupied with that mainly that guy. He is like another friend I know. Amazingly both of them are blonde.....hmmmm?????
I hope that everyone had a great Christmas even if I didn't. My dad dragged my brother out of be at 10am to start revising and in the meantime even when I woke up at 12 I ended up doing my lab writeup on Christmas day only because I was really bored. i saw A Christmas Carol three times over that period. I stopped counting the hours after I reminded myself that Christmas day will never be different to any other day. The first one was a musical which was rather enjoyable then there was the theatrical (film) version and lastly a cartoon one. I had also watched a Mozart Opera on the BBC but I couldn't remember the name. That was rather sweet and not a tragedy like most other opera (what is the plural of opera?) Oh, that Strictly Come Dancing Christmas Special was good. I would have loved Zoe and Ian (38) to win but then Colin and Erin got 40 which was impossible to beat. Apart from Matt and Lilia (37)everyone from Series 4 got only 36. (The number in the brackets are their marks from the judges btw). So yeah my Christmas day was spent practically watching tv by myself. I did make the dinner Western Style. I was going to make a pie but the beef didn't soften in time so it was bacon instead. It tasted alright considering I only started doing cooking in February '06 but my brother still complained about carrots again. They are good for the eyes; so they say. Well I like carrots and to be honest there really isn't that many things that I know how to cook.
Boxing day.......just like any other day since my dad arrived. (Did I mention that he left my mum in hk to visit the doctors and have a dental operation, which she is petrified of; not mentioning Christmas Day and all?) I felt miserable since he arrived. I will do as much as a daughter should and that's it. It was the very first time in my life that once I was out I don't want to go home. If I had been any closer to a guy I might have even stayed overnight. One of my best friend (girl) offered but I still shouldn't as it wasn't just staying away that I wanted. My mind kept thinking of my ex-lab partner even though that will never happen. It was possible that he shared similar traits to my brother which made me think of him a lot more than other guys but that's about it I hope. It could also be because I am just trying to get rid of that other guy whom I had been in love with for so long but I will never know. Love is a very strange feeling.
I sent a lot of Merry Christmas messages on Facebook to my friends. Only two responded wishing me the same, well it was Happy New Year for one of them but I sent is on Christmas eve after I met up with my best friends so all are forgiven.
I bumped into a close friend of mine back in Sixth Form. It was really strange. He matured a little, yet he still hadn't changed that much, even in height. It was really weird. We had a little chat but as I was with another friend we kind of kept it short. It was funny though as the friend I was with went to the sixth form for the first 5 years of secondary school while the other friend went only for sixth form but still the same school. It was a very light-hearted moment. I still think it was weird. Like always it was him who recognised me.
I hope that everyone had a great Christmas even if I didn't. My dad dragged my brother out of be at 10am to start revising and in the meantime even when I woke up at 12 I ended up doing my lab writeup on Christmas day only because I was really bored. i saw A Christmas Carol three times over that period. I stopped counting the hours after I reminded myself that Christmas day will never be different to any other day. The first one was a musical which was rather enjoyable then there was the theatrical (film) version and lastly a cartoon one. I had also watched a Mozart Opera on the BBC but I couldn't remember the name. That was rather sweet and not a tragedy like most other opera (what is the plural of opera?) Oh, that Strictly Come Dancing Christmas Special was good. I would have loved Zoe and Ian (38) to win but then Colin and Erin got 40 which was impossible to beat. Apart from Matt and Lilia (37)everyone from Series 4 got only 36. (The number in the brackets are their marks from the judges btw). So yeah my Christmas day was spent practically watching tv by myself. I did make the dinner Western Style. I was going to make a pie but the beef didn't soften in time so it was bacon instead. It tasted alright considering I only started doing cooking in February '06 but my brother still complained about carrots again. They are good for the eyes; so they say. Well I like carrots and to be honest there really isn't that many things that I know how to cook.
Boxing day.......just like any other day since my dad arrived. (Did I mention that he left my mum in hk to visit the doctors and have a dental operation, which she is petrified of; not mentioning Christmas Day and all?) I felt miserable since he arrived. I will do as much as a daughter should and that's it. It was the very first time in my life that once I was out I don't want to go home. If I had been any closer to a guy I might have even stayed overnight. One of my best friend (girl) offered but I still shouldn't as it wasn't just staying away that I wanted. My mind kept thinking of my ex-lab partner even though that will never happen. It was possible that he shared similar traits to my brother which made me think of him a lot more than other guys but that's about it I hope. It could also be because I am just trying to get rid of that other guy whom I had been in love with for so long but I will never know. Love is a very strange feeling.
I sent a lot of Merry Christmas messages on Facebook to my friends. Only two responded wishing me the same, well it was Happy New Year for one of them but I sent is on Christmas eve after I met up with my best friends so all are forgiven.
I bumped into a close friend of mine back in Sixth Form. It was really strange. He matured a little, yet he still hadn't changed that much, even in height. It was really weird. We had a little chat but as I was with another friend we kind of kept it short. It was funny though as the friend I was with went to the sixth form for the first 5 years of secondary school while the other friend went only for sixth form but still the same school. It was a very light-hearted moment. I still think it was weird. Like always it was him who recognised me.
2006/12/18
First Monday of Christmas Holidays
I have just added this blog to the Facebook. Reasons unknown. I have just realised that I had put real names in the blogs, apologies to those people. I hope they weren't taken as insults. As the things I say here are now going to be known by the people I know or think I know I might just be careful of what I say.
I had taken a Friends game on Facebook about an hour ago. Apart from the ones I have known from KES I hardly know anyone. It didn't stop me playing it anyway. For some of the people on my list my observations actually helped me on that part. (Who says that you can't know a person just by meeting them once?) I ain't a saint so I got half wrong, despite 75% of the people who came up I don't actually know properly.
Some people may wonder why I spend most of my time alone. Or they don't bloody care at all. Don't blame them I ain't that interesting anyway. Okay, here is the reason: I am scared of people. Well I do love them, all shape and sizes, kind and horrible; I might not get along with some but I still love them. I have been hurt by so many that it gets difficult for me to initiate a connection. Then as the time went on I had become so adapted to spending time by myself that it gets even harder to start a new connection in life. But there are some that did develop and had continued. It is hard to get us together now that we are separated but it is still there. Those I am willing to give my life to. Others I will still give them whatever I am capable of, within reason before you think of taking advantage of me.
I am fragile, emotionally, so if you cared to read this or any other things I've written.....
Thank You
As there are someone out there who are interested in what's beneath the fascade, but don't let me know, just leave me as I am. I will regret writing this sometime in the future and you might have become my human firing target.
I had taken a Friends game on Facebook about an hour ago. Apart from the ones I have known from KES I hardly know anyone. It didn't stop me playing it anyway. For some of the people on my list my observations actually helped me on that part. (Who says that you can't know a person just by meeting them once?) I ain't a saint so I got half wrong, despite 75% of the people who came up I don't actually know properly.
Some people may wonder why I spend most of my time alone. Or they don't bloody care at all. Don't blame them I ain't that interesting anyway. Okay, here is the reason: I am scared of people. Well I do love them, all shape and sizes, kind and horrible; I might not get along with some but I still love them. I have been hurt by so many that it gets difficult for me to initiate a connection. Then as the time went on I had become so adapted to spending time by myself that it gets even harder to start a new connection in life. But there are some that did develop and had continued. It is hard to get us together now that we are separated but it is still there. Those I am willing to give my life to. Others I will still give them whatever I am capable of, within reason before you think of taking advantage of me.
I am fragile, emotionally, so if you cared to read this or any other things I've written.....
Thank You
As there are someone out there who are interested in what's beneath the fascade, but don't let me know, just leave me as I am. I will regret writing this sometime in the future and you might have become my human firing target.
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