In the last few years I have gotten exceptionally frustrated around this time of year. I can start telling you how I felt since I started taking notice of the day. The first year I was very nervous but happy as I called a guy's home and told him, "Happy Valentine's Day", but not long enough to leave a name. But that friendship also finished then and there, as once he found out he didn't know how to get along with me anymore and vice versa; we were only in year 9 then. The strange thing was the two Valentine's Day after that was pretty normal and I never even thought about it.
Then at sixth form. The first one was excited and nerve-wracking as this time I celebrated it face to face. Even though I ran, I totally regretted wrapping it. It was a small keyring in which I tweaked so that it would be lost easily. There was a little secret with it but I am not going to tell you about it. That was fun but I ran away.......a lot. I was kind of afraid of rejection but that happened anyway the year after that, with the same guy. He is also the reason that why this year and last had been so upsetting. The truth is I am still in love with him. When I see couples holding hands and hanging around I would sometimes think that what would happen if those two had been me and him. If something had been done differently would we have been like that. It really is wrong and you might ask why aren't I with him. I would just have to say I have become too accustomed to calling for him when I needed someone and many many times I was half-way across the world hoping for him to be there. I had become so frail that I don't even know if that was me anymore. Maybe it was just that one expectation that I'd hope he will meet but never did. For those who want to care, that is the confidence to initiate the first conversation and to stop me when I was about to run.
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