Confused

I found out yesterday that my ex-lab partner is going out with someone. I was pretty upset as my dream was shattered but glad too as I could finally stop dreaming. I never was going to do anything anyway. If it is meant to be it will be. He have been cold to me lately but who wouldn't when there was hint that something wasn't right. He said that I was cold last week and so what? I am. I know I am and I have always been. My mum told me to break down that wall I keep building myself. Isolation and loneliness then complain about all that. What if I do and don't want to change that? It is fair to say I don't know how to get along with people or join in. I never wanted to squeeze into a fully formed friendship circle. If joining in meant that I have to act like children with dangerous equipment during times when we should be working then I rather not do all that. I have been known to play hard when we were not supposed to work but at uni we were meant to work and more work done during the day more time saved for the night to do all the heart's content. At a place of work we should work.

I don't know why him going out with someone, not me, would hurt me this much. I knew it all the way from the beginning. Yes, he was the first one who could help me forget my Arabic crush when I was in his presence but surely being prepared should have made it this painful! I was constantly reliving the distance I suddenly felt today. For one reason I may have been extra cold to him just to shield my emotions, another reason was that he actually read my quote and thought that it was him. I did write it with my ex-lab partner in mind but it was just a general comment and observation. Anyway, assuming that he didn't read that......ok it is me being cold. That comment he made last week haunted me so much on my way home it's unbelievable. Maybe it's just people of the similar age-group that suffers from my harsh attitude. I'm not going to change, until they are worth it, as people do grow.