Good morning to everybody. I am actually very tired but since I got to the pc I just got this internet addiction which I am currently trying to satisfy. People say that it work-related illness but I prefer it to be called a social illness.
Anyway. I went to bed an hour earlier than now yesterday, trying to get my coursework in yesterday. I was knackered. Why am I here now is purely because I went to bed at 6pm and woke up at 10 pm, probably later and....believe it or not....got interested in the fantastic homepage area on google. So I had been playing around on that. but that was after the hour I spent on writing an e-mail to my friend. I think that after today I will probably spend less time on aol games and more on google. That kind of makes it worse as I don't necessarily need to wait for loading times to get some games on, which usually puts me off playing them (for my case it is a good thing).
Why I am here when I should really be in bed is because I had a really strange dream which I woke up on. I was fighting with my ex-lab partner like I used to with my brother. I think I have really fallen in love with him. There are plus and minus points about him. He had been increasingly helpful in labs but if he had worked a bit harder he would probably be the person I rely on rather than the other guy who I seemed to ask for help much more often and consequently work with more often.....even though he isn't really in my team. So, we are pretty much working together on the last two comparatively major projects.
Ooh, I finally started to get to know the only guy in our group who always get forgotten. My ex-lab partner made an awful statement about him not talking much. I actually agreed to that. How mean of me. The only reason that he don't talk to people is almost the exact same as the reason why I don't go and talk to people in the first place. No-one actually talked to us. I don't like pushing myself to people who are already in friendship groups and it is very understandable if he doesn't communicate with us as, firstly, the last 6 of us - alphabetically of course - are in the same tutorial group and, secondly, that second guy I mentioned was already pretty close to his partner, the other girl who's not in my tutorial group. This third guy can be pretty sociable. It is just that I often give too much information, a habit which I think I got off from working with the patients at the hospital where I will be going back to later today.
I will finish this at 3am so I best do my fastest typing yet.
What was I going to say anyway. My main purpose was to claim victory over the miserable days I had for the past two years. I had become so accustomed to my ex-lab partner's insults and contradictions that it is becoming uncomfortable when he don't do that. I have been talking loads about him, particularly because he annoyed me at the start and his sociable character and humourous personality allowed me to become my true self, clumsy and talker without thinking, which often lead to loads of laughter. Well the last statement isn't wholly true as I am often switching channels between the language of my thinking to the language of speaking. The words are often right, just the grammar which isn't. Yesterday I said that breath contains air, which is the bleeding obvious when I meant water, which messes up the reaction. Then I just did a copy cat and the person who I copied from then said that I was stupid to do that. That is just contradiction, to the full, and that was my ex-lab partner too (well, again).
I will probably revert to the days when I scribble away in my diary about seeing him again. It is impossible not to in the university environment, with the sudden introduction the lectures, and the fact that I start looking for him - not physically of course! Dreaming about him is not a good start either.
I wonder how my Arabic crush had been. I have been finally moving on and I know he had too. I do wonder if he have a new girl dreaming about him in the obvious. I know he thought about me much but I just wasn't brave enough to let him know that I think about him lots too. I cried too much for him and the coincidences that I wanted to happen never did. I pleaded so much to see him when I went into A&E. I wanted to let him know how much I still loved him. It was just too painful. I probably should just forget about the past and let him through in october but giving him up was the only option left. As if! I just wasn't brave enough to love him. I was scared, very scared.
It is way past 3am now. I am going to bed....for the second time tonight.
Good night!
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